Will you go out with me? 😍 What to wear on a first date when you’re over 30.

I like dating. Especially after I turned 30 and I know what I want from life. I’m not the only one, who seeks happiness and brings down the walls to overcome my fears. Recently, many women asked me the same question – What to wear for a date? And this is how the idea of today’s post was born.

A date is a meeting of two people who want to get to know each other better. They ask many questions to determine whether they broadcast on the same waves. Easy peasy, right? So why dating is so stressful? Why from the very first minute there are all these expectations?

Thanks to the rapid technology development, we’re able to meet people all over the world without leaving home! We can skype with people we never met in person! We reach ever further and set new challenges for the people we meet on our way. And it is amazing! But only when we know what’s happening in our backyard. And that’s where the problem starts.

To make a long story short, stress and fear are the results of unresolved stuff which are covered, hidden, or patched. But there is more! When you compare yourself to others it means that you haven’t developed your identity. What happens next is you sacrifice yourself, your desires, and your needs in the name of love.

Do you already see that each of these factors is a result of your actions? It’s strongly related to your relationship with yourself. Yes my dear friend, when it comes to dating your relationship with yourself is everything. That’s when the magic begins! 😎

What? What is she writing again? Perhaps this thought is just passing through your head. Well, you must trust me because I know where we’re going.


I lost track of the dates I went on. I also don’t remember where I went and what I did on each of them. What I do remember is stress and insecurity that followed me through all these years. I’ve lost so much time trying to look better! Today I laugh at it, but since I promised to be honest, I have to take you back to those times, when I was in love all the time. 🀣

I used to enter into relationships way too fast. As soon as I sensed a thread of understanding, I thought he was the one. I was turned on right from the start. I didn’t give myself space to feel, understand, and get to know him. And I didn’t even feel the need to be in a relationship! Just the men I met seemed so interesting that I wanted us to drive the same car. 

I was always excited before each date. Always! It was my trademark. Oh, and I was giving each guy some extra points to his awesomeness just because he was. I felt special, curious. I wanted to get to know him better and experience new things. Everything revolved around him. I excluded myself from the adoration circle at the very beginning. I felt that I wasn’t good enough and that I was lucky to meet HIM on my way. I didn’t date for myself. I dated to please him.

Can you believe? All those hours spent in front of a mirror, scattered clothes and shoes, different hairstyles – never as I wanted – and tones of red lipstick cause I had to paint my lips before each date.

I was devastated when my last relationship was over. I was heartbroken. That was when I paused life to work with my anxiety. Luckily, my sister helped me believe that everything in life happens for a reason and my broken heart will bring something good. She was right! The swing set of tears passed after about a week. I started listening to the beating of my heart. The more space and freedom I gave myself, the clearer and louder was my heartbeat. πŸ’“

I stopped looking for support, comfort, hero/superman, life teacher who would save me from oppression. I slowly began to form a relationship that I’ve never had before – Me and Me.

After a few months, I felt strong, happy, and ready to start dating again! This time for myself. And so my dating adventures started with setting goals:

  • what kind of dates I want to experience,
  • what kind of man I want to meet,
  • which feelings I want to feel,
  • how open I want to be,
  • what’s my dating goal.

My fear, stress, and shame were gone! I stopped having expectations, writing my own stories and analyzing. I focused only on myself! I wanted to have fun! All of a sudden, dating made sense. When I stopped trying to cure, distract, or prove something to myself and others.

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Hmmm, don’t you think it’s time to talk about clothes?! 🀣 You’re aware of the mistakes. You know from where to start because you can identify with my experiences. I hope you care more about yourself than the others. And you have a date! You want to look good – for yourself. But here’s the thing, women are afraid to look good! I know, it’s terrible! Why????????? Let’s not be afraid to look good!

I’ll give you some tips which will help get ready for a date so that you can remain yourself and feel good. The recipe for a successful outfit is, of course – your intuition!

Focus on your favorite part of your body. You don’t have to look sexy, too bold, or aggressive. It’s not necessary to show your neckline, legs, and back to have fun and achieve your goal. Don’t show your best self until you find out is the guy worth your time. Enflame his curiosity! Choose this part of your body that gives you confidence and comfort, eg. hips, legs, calves, arms, collarbone, neck, etc.

Add color! I’m not saying head to toe colors. Add at least one colorful piece. Why? Color can make you look more energized and confident. A pair of colorful earrings, a jacket, or a blazer will do the job! Express yourself. It’s important during the first date. Black alone will not help you build a romantic atmosphere. Just imagine a black dress styled with orange earrings! Or navy blue pants styled with a chocolate turtleneck. 😍

Wear your favorite dress/skirt – I’m talking about the one that always makes you feel great! The one that wakes up some secret superpower within you. Every woman has such a thing in her wardrobe. If you choose to wear a dress, style her with a blazer, a trench coat, and a woolen scarf. Mix it with some comfy boots/sneakers. If you choose to wear a skirt, mix her with a turtleneck or cashmere sweater. Finish your outfit with a denim or leather jacket and flat shoes.

Maybe you don’t wear dresses/skirts at all! What then? Well, easy peasy. I’m sure you have a pair of jeans or tailored trousers that you love! That’s your choice. Mix it with a cashmere sweater or a turtleneck and flats. Keep high heels for a better occasion. Finish your outfit with a statement necklace and you’re ready to go!

I’m telling you, heels should wait for a better occasion πŸ™‚ Unless you wear heels every day. Otherwise, don’t choose them just because it’s your first date. You make the rules!

Take it easy! All you need is an authentic look that will make you feel comfortable and look good. Don’t mix patterns, colors, textures if you don’t feel like. Don’t try too hard to create an image that isn’t consistent with who you are. You don’t know what your date likes and you certainly don’t want to please a stranger. All you want is to have fun. It’s your time! Honor it.

I don’t recommend shopping. Buying new clothes for your first date is a waste of money. Meet first and then see what happens. I also advise staying away from oversize clothes which create an impression like you hide something. Of course, if all you have in your wardrobe is oversize clothes… add a belt that will define your waist.

No matter which stage of your life you reached make sure you know that YOU ALREADY HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED to feel and look gorgeous. You don’t need clothes to become beautiful. You need clothes to show your beauty. If you focus on yourself, you give yourself a chance to be truly happy. Chill out. Have a good reason why you’re going on a date and don’t think about what he/she will think. You don’t know what other people think, like, or feel. You can only speak for yourself.

My beautiful friend, I’m finally ready to make changes to my website and blog. I finally know what I want! Due to serious design work, I need a short break with writing. I’m just a simple woman, I can’t manage several tasks at one time. Make sure you sign in to my newsletter. I’ll keep you updated on my work. It’s hard to say how long it will take. I do it by myself πŸ™‚ But I’m freaking excited!!!!!! The new is coming. And I want you next to me when it happens.

I’m blessed to have you as my reader! Thank you so much for your support! I hope you’ll join me in the struggle. I’ll talk to you soon. Have a wonderful weekend! And I promise that my first post after break will be dedicated to the colors of Autumn. In the meantime, let’s stay in touch!

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Magda

Magda Netkowska
magda@magdanetkowska.com
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